Thursday, January 29, 2004
maybe for once i was wrong about being right.the immortal that i thought was actually a devil in disguise...maybe...thats what i think...but i coudnt juz conclude anything in juz a few days right???i mean,its sounded so biased...
but still....im like so damn confused...
anyway,lets talk about the happenings in my life....
today,i woke up at 9.45 when i was suppose to wake up at 5.and then i was so pissed off that nobody sms me..maybe i was just trying to put the blame on smt else...or someone..then i called my boyfriend,but he couldnt acompany me...*sob-sob*and then i made that sms and got surprise by the reaction that i got...tsk tsk....wat could be any worser...
then i went to sch,to discuss the lab report writing n and found out that emily had type it out...
feel so guilty...
now at the cyber centre...my fav hangout...alone...
have an apointment but after they way that was being reacted,coundnt say that i was excited...worried maybe...
guilty.definately....
whatever it is,juz hope that the weather will stop following my mood soon...
its so irritating that the weather is like the mirror image of my feelings...
always....
later have to go to te polyclinic just to get a pathatic mc...
gawd!!!im reminded again abt the mc thing...
"if u need some cash,u can get it from me."
GAWD!!!wat was that??some charity occasions??
i was so damn insulted...i mean,there wasnt a slightest feeling at all in that damn sms...
i really got so pissed off man!!!
idiot...
dumb asshole...totally doesnt deserve my attention at all....
feel like kicking some ass right rite now...
1:23:00 PM
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
well...i actually skipped practical and tut all at the same time.GawD!!!and do you like wanna know y?its just that ive been feeling kinda freak out this few days over all the weird stuff thats have been happening to me.. not that its weird.thats just putting it mildly...tell you the truth,its sucks!!!big time...not only shocking but it hurts to know at the same time....it really makes me step back and reconsider wat the hell im reali feeling...
not that its shameful and stuff but rather whether ive made the correct choices in my life..
maybe im maturing..god knoes wat the hell is that..all this while ive been hiding behind the perception of knowing wateva i do and why but now...im so muddle-headed...i just kant think straight...and i definately kant study with this overexcessive mind...i feel like gaia....maybe theres a part of me thats is rather similar to her...only that i think that she is much much smarter than me and much much braver than me,...fine i know tat im bein patheticaly ridiculous and u guys,whoever u are,are tinking,wat the hell is my problem???
tell u tha truth,me myself do not know why im feeling like this..ive never feel so unsure,so not myself...
maybe i was wrong about myself the whole time that im alive...now its suddenly taking a different route.but i wont know whether this the right one for me...
have u watch The last samurai??if u have maybe u will feel the way i am rite now..only that now,apart from my sentimental feelings about the movie,i have other problem rite now in my head...
going bonkers?=maybe..crazy?=not yet...guilty??=definately...but wat im trying to say is,im goin to take things slowly...one step at a time...i hope that i have that much time though....
peace...
3:50:00 PM
Monday, January 12, 2004
well,its been the first week of school and things are just getting worse and worse as each day goes by...now its the second week...but i guess the highlight of the week is this weird feeling that i have at this very weird moment..
i mean,why the hell should i feel anyting about his past after we've been together for nearly 2yrs n a few months?? tried but i still couldnt get rid of this feeling that has entered shamefully through my heart...
if i cud write it down in words i cud but the mentality of my heart goes to the limit of aceing in language.i love him but there are sum things that i didnt wanna hear.maybe it hurts the deepest soul deep within..i will not know.i didnt want to confess,afraid that he might have a heartache in his beautiful heart.i will just let him discover this by himself,hope that he wun ponder over it for to long.meanwhile,i will just try to hide it from him and pray that everything will be for the better.
2:40:00 PM
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
ive just create another blog coz i forgot my previous blog add...this is so unexpectedly repeated...
2:37:00 PM
