time seems to be crawling into the depths of infinity..in my slumber i drive myself to feel the world.... but the world is not my desire to feel..instead of the world i want her... coz deep in me, my world is her... the world of her is currently shallow... filled scarcely with small lands of information... information that is never enough....information that doesnt count that much... but filling my world up is what im doin....filling it up rite up to the brim.... i want my world with lots of information..so i wun be dumb with the different nations.... i want to know her like i wanna know the world....know every single thing i could know about her... inside out i wud to get to know her....coz wat is love without knowing her... i know that saying doesnt count as much....facta non verba, actions and trust... i hope she trust me the way i do...i realli love her i realli do..
so dearie, please give me a chance to prove myself... to prove to the world n to prove us... i know i cud do it and i will do it right..... i will go way beyond to get it rite....
but pray as i might to be the best...i hope u know that it takes two hands to clap... honesty trust love and tender loving care and not forgeting faithfullness is all i care...
we might be together just... but im looking at tomorrow, i must.... i hope that we dun rush.... i wundnt want us to crush...
but watever may come im ready for it... face the world and watever may... i know that im true n my heart is you... come what may, i'll always love you..
10:41:00 PM
never wud i imagine things wud be the way it is...i dunno.now i dunno whether wat im doin is wat i shud be doin....things doensnt looks to be wat i think it wud be... in the deception of mind i seek the truth instead i receive nothing beyond what i know nothing about....the ignorancy of the mind prevents the soul from accepting however it might be....im still being kept inside...dark n questioning....how wud i ever get the answers...i know nothing to start with... i think im plunging in deep dark unknown terrotories n im realli hoping that the ignorant heart of mind will not fall in the depth of deception n lies.. im hanging on to the tips of my soul n im begging to be known that i know nothing. in times likes this i wish that my soul wud just die n i be left dead buried sumplace nobody knows nothing about....
deep down in my heart, i keep asking. am i even good enough? am i even close to wat she realli wants in her aching heart? am i even worthy for her? am i even right for her?
i will never know..she is like a locked unopened treasure..u longed for it and want it so bad..when u have it in ur hands, u get so happy n exhilirated that u dun even care that theres no way u can unlocked it except itself n even when its open, u wudnt know what is realli inside..
++but pray i will to be the best..the best for her dat she will ever get... but i guez that takes effort and definately time..effort i have n eternity is mine... but whether i will succeed i will never know..whether i can make it thru to the rest of the woes..but pray i will to be the best.the best of the best she ever had.++
3:21:00 PM
Thursday, September 14, 2006
i dunno whether to believe or not....i mean she told me that she went to jb the day before n then got angry wit me coz she tot that i was angry....but u wanna know the most hilarious thing that happen ytd?? she said..."aku da lamer tak gie johor sey..."so wat do you think???
if trust is wat she want, i guez she shud gain that trust rightfully...n the same goes to me..... i didnt say anything wen she sae that sentence coz her bro is thr n things might get difficult....
2 things: she is lying to me.or she didnt tell her bro..
if i wanna sae i dun care, its unlike me..coz im a observant person n esp if sum1 is lying to me.
if she realli lies to me, i hope that she has a gd explaination coz im kinda pissed.
she herself sets the rules but she doesnt abide by them..
i dunno.....i guez there might be a reason...there must be a reason.
neway, y is alot of ppl advising me not to be wit her??i mean they sae that she doesnt deserve me n that i deserve better........they sae that im doin so much for her but she doesnt...like im being taken advantage of...i dunno ar... all this is the ist tym for me.ive nvr had ppl telling me that i deserve better..i wanna tell her, but i guez its no use....the problem is her anyway...
ntah lah...im happy wit her.but i gues she haven gain enuf trust frm me yet.esp aft ytd. smts i wish she wud read my blog then i wundnt need to tell her in person. haix.wat a life.....
will i ever find true love? will i ever find true trust? will i ever find sum1 that is super faithful? will i ever find sum1 that realli love me for who i am? will i find honesty? will i find true care n concern? will i find dedication? will i find openness?
3:15:00 PM
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
my mum saw him in singapura live on tv wit another girl. he told me he lepak wit his bro. wich one shud i believe??
the heart bleeds like it nvr bleeds before.....it crutches the soul deep and eats me inside out... how cud a single person do so much damage...damage wich seems to kill me emotionally.... wat else cud i do?wat else shud i sae?wat must i feel?why am i hurt? im killed...the trust, its gone.... emotions run.....my life seems wayward...i cant see the road ahead.... im crying deep....the tears of damage...damage of the heart... i kant breathe...i kant eat...i kant see...but nw i kant trust.... afraid...scared...terrified....exhausted....tired... infidelity sucks... where is love? does fidelity still exists?? the presence of infidelity borns polygamy thus dissipating trust in the midst of love.... so, where does it leaves love?? i dunno.... lost sumwhere in the throes of lust... so if the love is lost n gone, how cud it lead us to trust??? it cant lead to trust at all..... the road to trust does not exist anymore...... its gone. zilch.
2:58:00 PM
Monday, September 04, 2006
i wanna n93 handphone....but the hp is not out in the market yet....n i think its gonna cost around $1300...so ex kan????haiya....but i wanna get a hp soon....coz im like getting sick of this phone le.... tot of getting the nokia 6111 model....its slick n small...arnd 400++ got la.... but must save first lor.... hmm....i miss her...alot....padahal...tadi pagi last see her...but still.... so guez wat, wani n hanif fren , is , wanna get to know me...i said ok but as a fren only ar.... wundering...hehe...he say he was terpergun wit my smile...excuses???hmmmmm.......
i made her sad.but wat am i to her???she sae i dun undastand her feelings....but wat am i spose to do??im not hers n she is not mine....n wen i gave a guy my num, she act like this.... but wat i know is i love her...alot.
9:53:00 PM
Saturday, September 02, 2006
never im my mind wud i ever imagine myself to be hurt twice the same way... why do they have to do this to me.... being single but still loving the person means u still hold on to the person...isnt it... u let go of the person physically but emotionally u are still attached to the person.... but why do they hurt me as fast as the word break up comes out from the mouth?? i dunno...at tyms, being single means getting back at the other for smt wrong wich he or she did....im my case, he is getting back at me for smt bad wich i did..not very bad ar but bad enuf in his eyes....i hate him!!!!!
