Monday, January 12, 2009
looking at the people around me, they moved on. them and them. i hurt them and they found happiness. me? im happy with mine but i dunno. somewhere somehow, it hurts abit. a teeny weeny bit. jealous? i spose maybe but sometimes i wonder why shud i b... hmm.. i did not upload the pics cox im just plain lazy. maybe i shud? but for what is the real intention? out of spite? out of sight? im confused at times. im happy but whenever i go online to check on stuff, i get this pang pressure. like as if my self-esteem is shattered and im like the lowliest human being on earth. why? i suppose i do not deserve this. i love blogging so i will not unsubscribe myself. maybe i shud just cancel off friendster and all. its stupid, in sense, to snoop around other people's life by looking at their pics and getting that ugly pang after that.. darn. im still lazy to upload. shud i? gosh. what the heck. the pics are ugly.ok.i will ensure i will take many2 beautiful pics and this time, my cammie will be with me 24hrs. and then, i will ensure that people gawks at me and mine this time round. i will get my revenge.
neways, get down to work, kinda sucks after all the hype's gone. its all down to me. down to me if u get what i mean. shit people that ive to endure. shitty attitude per se.
i will show my attitude after all. im sick of being smiley and noddy. after a while, it kinda set a strain on my beautiful self. i need a break on all this shit. how am i spose to climb up that ladder if i cant even reach that very ladder? where's the hands that spose to be pushing me up to reach that bloody ladder? darn. im like desperate to climb. i need to prove to alot of parties.
i kant be looked down all my life. by him and him and them and them. if i have to be heartbroken, i wanna at least have a career to lean on too. at least.i suck. and i dun wanna suck anymore. at least, let me have a bill-less and tears-less 2009. and another holiday in may?
let me live my life this year. i spose to deserve it.
i was a bad girl last year. i wanna be a good one this time.=))
7:55:00 AM
