OMG. Its been almost half a year since my last entry and yes, im still alive, thank God. Goodness gracious. idunno where to begin on what had happend in the last 6 mths. im still with her nw. scraping thru. no more frens to call real frens nw. all been long gone searching for their own truth in life. im back home, jobless, fat with no intention to look forward in life except for the next weeks planning on hw to have money. to pay up and also to survive. im getting sick depending on people for money and stuff, afraid that one day it will backfire again and the so called frens who once help will turn arnd and stab us in the back. had that, experienced that and wants to prevents that from happening. had forgotten the people in my past but somehow or rather they always have a way to seep into the tiniest hole to creep back in my life one way or the other. and once they fo that, and when i rmbr their existence, i search back my hole of safety. sucks. that feeling. maybe this tym i shall try to update more of my life in here. tmr maybe. just change my blogskin again. hope to change my life again.
6:43:00 PM
Saturday, January 16, 2010
funny how a year and a series of unfortunate events could actually change a person's perspective of everything significant in the world. i mean, it's really funny how the connection changes, the feelings changes, the sense changes.
frens who u tot can e trusted ends up being the one that u kant trust at all. frens who u once tot cud not even be close to ends up being the one that actually cares for our needs.
me and her. we are still madly in love with each other. although now it seems so easy to be suddenly be thinking of how i can't live without her. back to my house but sumhow stayin in with a fren cox i kant be away frm her even for a minute. but i think we are trying to let go slowly. eventually we will have to live independantly off each other. i certainly have to.
im gonna find a job and fulfill my resolution of becoming rich. and getting my own place to stay. preferably a condo. be it rented as long as its mine. and hers.of course. feelings are tremendously churning rapidly to the dire straits that we are in but i guess patience and sheer will power is the secret to true survival. humble with heads lie low to succumb to our plight but of course, pride still held high. thats the only thing that really matters in times like this. and to just be thankful that we at least have a roof over our head. comparing to the victims of the natural disasters happening all over the world.
okay. im still a kid at heart. even though im gg to be freaking 24 years old. im watching Midnight Meat Train on Star Movies with hunnyboo and my newfound close fren.
so im off to figure the show, again and maybe think when will be my next post. maybe next month. but as little and slow my post are, ive had it since like forever. haha. ive grown. in size more like it! haha. out!
peace.
12:30:00 AM
Thursday, September 03, 2009
so many words to say, so many stories to share yet time seems so essential down to the very last seconds. but sometimes words can mean nothing to anyone and no one in particular. strange yet thats the beauty of life itself. but all in all, its the experience of life, knowing and accepting loads of things. for example,understanding on why ERP is being implemented down to the simplicity of deciding whether to watch a late night movie or sing the heart out at a karaoke place. meeting strange people, eccentric bosses to the hilarious cleaners, who happens to be smart foreigner do make a lot on how we view the world, or people for that matter. for me, its been almost 4mths? maybe, since i left home. yes, i do miss my bed, the cookings, the security but its also been a life changing route for me to actually live life. and i really mean living. what ive gone thru beats winning a million dollars. in fact, i think im richer, in live. thru my eyes, i look at days differently, look at people differently and i even look at the moon differently. call it bizzare that thru my hardships, im still happy with my life. i mean, i was earning good with a promising career, even after being laid off, i guess opportunities was still full on knocking but one by one, turning them down was almost the right thing to do. in my so call right kind of mind. weighing the pros and cons do make a different to the decisions to be made. i choose love.
love.the one and only who stands by me 24/7 and who nw wanna change her main pic cox she is tired of looking at the same pic.OKAY. nw she say she is kidding... girls. fickle.
neways, coming bck to my synopsis of love b4 i was rudely interupted...(pinches...ouch!!)
love.5mths 2days 7hrs 35mins 08seconds at this moment and still gg strong.. the one who still bears with my snores, my silly dumbness, still washes my clothes, buys breakfast in the wee morning when i nags about the importance of food etc etc... weird tho.the one person who is the whole cause of the mess and she is still the same person whom i chose in deciding most matters. i can go home.i can have a day job that pays monthly with perks and all.i can enjoy my life. i can go home and save 250/mth on rent and save on food money. but what i want is to wake up everyday beside her. go thru ups and downs with her.to work alongside with her on a part-time job that pays daily.eat breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper with her. watch her trying nt to laugh when i try very super hard to make her laugh during her monthly pms.fight abt mundane stuff like who to change coins for the bus rides...
its just love and happiness that i want. something which i forgo in the past for the sake of the happiness of others. nw, its what i want. till when will this go?? i'll nvr know... maybe, we shall start debating on who shall use the bathroom later ya dear.. heh.. (cheeky laughs!!)
6:33:00 AM
Saturday, June 06, 2009
good evening world, life, plants and whatever... things change. i change. life change. for the better or worse im not sure but i hope im able to go thru everything in goodwill. i lost the only job that is keeping me sane altogether but on the very same day i lost it, i found another one but of not the same measure, tho it pays slightly higher but maybe, in my sense, more workload. i realize im kinda old to be doin labour jobs anymore. heh. but oh well, ive not much choice do i? am still homeless, so to say, even tho i cud go home BUT i know that i b gg hm to loads of trouble if i do. bills, nags, blahs blahs.. dun even tink of lecturing me here on dis. zilch. zip it.shut up! but so far, its nice living with miss yulia and mr mckenzie here. ok lah. understanding so to say. but kinda felt bad cox i havent yet told abt me selling grapes nw u know...penganggur...
well...me n her? getting on well nw... still having the small petty fights at times, at most of the wrong times, at the wrong places BUT still make love after that. gosh. y does it always have to be nicer after a row beats the hell out of me. gosh. those of u who dun fight, try fighting b4 making love than tell me if u feel the same way i feel. hahaha. i know, lame.
but blink-blink n wow! almost two months and counting... nt long for me but for her i gues its a miracle for her to last this long after u know who lahh... oh ya!!! gues what happen!! i actually became a heartless bitch and threw away her old sweethart pics!! wahaha. cool or what. damn im evil. yaya tell me abt it... i dunno. im guessing she shudnt keep it but im guessing that she feels hurt when i do that. but read this.I DUN CARE. ur mine, stay mine and im never ever ever n ever gonna let even the slightest tots of her damn past crept back into her bloody head. hmph. look at the way they actually treat her, in general out of the basic human common sense lahhh.. im like soooooooo way better than them. LIKE DUH! blind assholes dun see it i guess. simple said, if im engaged, i wun fuck arnd. get the drift? and, if i like sumone, i dun fuck arnd and let the person that i like wunder or wander so to say. and. if i lost that sumone that i like or gg out with to sumone way way way much better than me, i dun hold gripe, like a sore loser, n tell stories behind their back. dumb. and oh ya! i wun pukul bantai my love for nuts! gosh.. these ppl just dun deserve to live on this earth. they shud be living in hell, like their kind. hah. neways, had a bet with my own self that last wed will be my last ladies nite (dun roll ur eyes k!), untill i have my own hse, with her of course, do up my contact lens, do up a new specs, lose weight (haha), rebond my hair, hilite my hair ==>> so so much gonna be more nicer and unique and HOT than that 'oh, im ok that u took away the person i like and then hate u (and stare at u on ladies nite cox thats the only nite i get to see u) much2 later on when i realize that im hurting way bad whenever u n the person i like alot hug or kiss' bitch.. damn. damn. ladies nite. i hate those uber young that tinks they are way much more cooler or smart or whatever when they are just bunch of junks that u throw away to reincenerate cox they kant be recycled.
anyways, i gotta take care of my love nw. she wanna eat. im a hsewife nw. k, minus the hse, im her wife nw so to say, (well, she havent propose yet and there's no ring even so, ya) literally, im her wife in name? hmm.. k.
i gtg b4 she starts to nags!!! bye!!
btw, we are eating curry chicken with rice... (damn those calories, i spose to be losing weight...)
12:05:00 AM
Thursday, April 30, 2009
im gg to eat ban mian nw. wahahaha. neways, i was heartbroken seyyy... hmmm... last two nites. i cried my heart out. the fear of the falling reality of losing the only person whom i actually cud love more than duh, u know who. that bloody mf. hmph. well, the fights over, and we move on. talked about it liaox but i still remember la... if im alone right nw, i tink this entry will but so freaking emotionally indused with jargons words, idioms and whats not. hmmm...
tdy, so call is our ist mth anni...<> i guez most of the people din expect us to last dis long kot... but well... maybe, this cud be the one? as i believe, rship that has loads of problems in the beginning usual has high hopes of lasting long than rship that has no problems at all. eg me n mr mckenzie. hmm.
well, i really hope that the courage and optimism that i carry, and have adapt to in myself cud bring the rship up. cox honestly, for the ist ever tym, i felt as if i gotta prove MYSELF smt to her, and nt the other way round as hw it always used to be. like for example, hmmm.... im just afraid that i cudnt measure up to be sum1 that she wants? sumbody that is worth it for her? u get what i mean? like i have everything but i lack alot of thing. i just dunno. never have i wanna measure up to be someone of her worth. or anyone before that matters. maybe its time i realize that for once, i gotta be sumone for the someone that i dun wish to let go. nt nw, or later.
neways, ytd went to st james for the dunno hw many times!!! clubber?? me?? again?? haha. but i did had fun.. loads!! and went opening in the morning. oh!! n did i mention that i brought boo to swensons??? hee... cute la she...ist tym kay! took pictures and she took my stoopid glutton pic eating ice cream!! sobs... gotta lose weight liao. wait ugly then she leave me hw? DIE!! alamak.talking about losing weight, i just said i wanna eat ban mian right? damn. but im hungry?? last ah eat. tmr eat carrot only ah....wakakaka....
neways, on the end note, i heart her many2....wish that this feeling will last. tired of flirting, finding, searching or whatever u wanna call it ah... but, i wasnt searching when i 'found' her. SHE FALL FOR ME 1ST!! heh. *smug* hot stuff. oh no! she fell for my oh so sweet 'i can take care of her talks'....*winks*
boo....i love u. ~~muacks!!~~ lets go eat nw!!! before i eat u up. hmmm. in the loo? no!!!!
love, midori-san
5:48:00 PM
Thursday, April 02, 2009
somehow or rather at this moment, i really hope that i did not make any wrong decisions. there is so much to feel, so much to think atop a sleepy head, screw loose dance banging feet. gosh. what's with work, money, politcs, my own heart and the pure jealousy of the love one. i just dunno what to think that suddenly, i became someone that im not. i became cruel, heartless, cranky, uncared and dun care at all. n i just push away the only person who wants to care. her. unintended. but mine. nw. uncertainties carries alot of pressure. in alot of ways. i start to dare myself to love her. i tried. n yes, i hope that i will succeed. pray hard that something good will come out of it. im tired of trying. too tired. n nw im literally tired, physically. i miss myself. i wanna be myself. n i hope that i will be that person that i use to love first b4 i learn how to love others.
4:37:00 PM
Monday, March 02, 2009
im dumbfound. too bad. my mind went awol. i kant seems to find anything to say. i dun wanna sae anything at all. ive been talking and talking but no one listens. no one wanna get it in their head. push me away when all i wanna do is jst be there and be called upon when they need me. tell me that u need the time to be alone and i will respect them but nw u push it away and expects things to be better by the time u wanna get things right in ur life. halo. i bring u in as a risk. n nw, u made me realize hw true the risk can be. i risk myself and ya, nw im hurt. real bad. u got me to be afraid again ryan. im scared nw. words just can't explain what i feel. tears were out of repetition. these wasnt my ist time. this is never the ist time. but tell u that this is the ist time that i risk it all just to let sum1 into my life and actually be serious abt them. nw, its really too bad. i got it bad. its scary hw y mind can just shuts down just like that. i dunno hw im gonna pick up the pieces of me again but ya. im independent remember? i will be. no! i have to be.
doll, i dunno what else to fight for after what uve said. uve said it n ya. i dunno what else to say. i wanna say no to all these, it doesnt come out as well. ive enuf of fighting for what i want when all that matters is all that u want. im confused, u letting me go? am i still urs? i dunno. im dumbfound. u wan me in a part of ur life but u wan space in ur life? crack my head against the wall and i wun even get the answer. cox nw, i dunno who i am. what i want. who i have. what i have. what im left with.
have ur space, as i will have mine. i want to be alone. i wanna go hm, sleep and wake up tmr wishing this did not happen but it did and ya. shit happens.
maybe this is karma. i believe this is so. its all happening back again to me.
i'll live. i'll get back on my feet. ive fallen worse than this. u take care love. i'll be gone by morning rise.
